Dear “JB”

On “The NFL Today”, James Brown just previewed a game between two longtime rivals, then tossed to Dan Fouts at the game with the question “Are you expecting another chapter in this battle to be written today?”.

Of course he is.  In that book metaphor, each game is a chapter.  Essentially, your question was “Dan, do you expect these two teams to play today?”

You should try to not say stupid things.

Dear Guy Who Called the Pizza Place

When I was there picking up my dinner, you called and placed an order just as I was walking in.  It took a couple of minutes for you to go through the process of placing your order, and when you finished, the clerk put you on hold to get your total.  I overheard her tell you it was $45 and change and it would be ready in 45 minutes to an hour.

And as the clerk was entering your information into the credit card machine, she stopped for a moment, then said to you “Yep, about 45 minutes to an hour.”  And a moment later, she said “Okay”, hung up the phone and crossed out everything she’d just written.

Here’s the thing: if you call a pizza place on a Saturday night and order $45 worth of food (which I’m guessing was in the neighborhood of three or four pizzas plus breadsticks and all that extra crap), you can’t reasonably expect them to get your order ready in ten minutes.  Quite frankly, 45 minutes seems pretty damned fast for that much food.